Once Upon a Puddle
by Phantasy Puppy
Summary: Ryouga tries to cure his curse... let's just say it doesn't work out too well.
1. Dreams and Stupidity

A/N: I'm sorry, I really, really suck at dark stuff. Excuse the crappiness of the first part. I'm no Zen. Uhm… anyway, yeah. I won't take this stupid story down again. I'm sick of revising it. So there. I win. Yay. I need oreos. Bye.

Edit: Umm.. I noticed something strange when I was reading someone else's story, and looked at mine to see if the same problem was present. It is. Apparently, ffnet doesn't like exclamation points and question marks side by side, and deletes one or the other. Huh. Anyone know how to fix that?

* * *

_ Once Upon a Puddle_

_Chapter I: Dreams and Stupidity _

* * *

It was a dark day, the skies grey and solemn. Rain was heavy in the air, like black paint spilled across an old white canvas. Ryouga trudged along somewhere on the side of the street, cold, feverish and lonely. 

Suddenly, Akane was standing in front of him, sheltered by a pink umbrella. At first she didn't see him, but concern washed over her features when she did.

"P-chan! What are you doing out here?" She scooped him up without waiting another split second.

Ryouga snuggled against her, beginning to nod off with the warmth as she slipped him inside of her coat and broke into a run. They arrived at the Tendou dojo within a matter of minutes, and he was just starting to doze off, when…

"Poor baby. Come on let's get you into a nice hot bath," said Akane soothingly.

His insides went cold—Ryouga made a move to escape, but to his horror, they were already in the bathroom with the door shut tight, and Akane was busily undressing herself having set him gently on the tiled floor.

All he could do was struggle.

"What's wrong, P-chan? Are you afraid? Probably because of the way Ranma treated you when he bathed you," she said, a dark look crossing her face briefly. "Don't worry; you'll like it this time."

Ryouga never thought he'd say it, but he would have given anything to be in Ranma's arms instead of Akane's. He screamed silently when he hit the hot water, but the shriek soon gained volume as well as the company of Akane's.

She stood staring at him for a few minutes, a dangerous aura beginning to flare as she mechanically reached behind herself for a towel. Ryouga refused to look up at her, but could feel the anger from where he sat in the water.

"Ryouga," she spoke, her voice so raspy and full of betrayal that the sound of his name alone was slowly chipping a deep crack into his heart. "Ryouga… _I hate you._"

Unable to take it, he let out a howl of misery as tears began to fall, unconscious to the physical pain that struck him when Akane booted him through the roof with a loud sob. As he flew through the uncaring night sky, a pig once more, he could hear her frigid words echoed in his mind.

_'I hate you…'_

Ryouga jolted up with a start, cold sweat matting his hair. Shakily, he wiped his face off with the blanket that was covering him. That damn nightmare again…

He had to do something about this once and for all.

* * *

Ranma trudged along the fence, glad to be out of school. He'd had to stay after for cleaning duty today. Usually he managed to skip out on it, but this time, seven desks and three buckets of water to the head had stopped him from escaping—the whole thing had turned into a fiasco. Those girls were stronger than they looked… 

"The sun is already setting," he muttered to himself. "Now I'm going to have to face the third degree again… bet they didn't save me any dinner… or I bet they saved me some of Akane's toxic waste…"

Then, out of nowhere, a red umbrella came flying straight at him, nearly causing him to fall over into the water—not that it would have mattered much anyway, as he was already female.

"Okay, Ryouga, you have my attention," said Ranma, regaining his equilibrium.

The words had only just parted from his lips when the bandana'd martial artist came bounding up from the roof of someone's house. Ranma briefly wondered whether all those homeowners ever heard the loud footsteps, saw the missing floor tiles or pondered whether the roofs of Nerima were more crowded than the streets. Then he decided the answer was not all that important and jumped off the fence into a fighting stance.

"What is it this time?" Ranma asked. "You disappear for a couple months and then come attacking me for no rea…. well, I guess that's normal, actually."

"Shut up," he growled. "I need you to make me a promise."

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "And that would be…?"

"Watch Akane for me. Don't try anything funny."

Ranma's eyebrows went higher. "And what is this all about?"

"Just promise! I don't have all day!"

"You're not makin' any sense."

"I'm going away."

"Well duh," he snorted. "You're always going away."

"No," Ryouga glared at him. "This is _the long goodbye_. So promise that Akane will be okay."

"The… huh? Did you hit your head or something?"

"Promise me! I want to be able to go in peace!" Ryouga looked very impatient.

"Okay, whatever, I promise. Now what—" But before Ranma could finish his sentence, Ryouga was speeding off down the street. "Hookay… Nevermind then…"

Hopping back on the fence, Ranma was left slightly puzzled. That was kinda weird, even for Ryouga. What did he mean by "the long goodbye," anyway? It almost sounded like he was planning to…

Ranma froze in his tracks. No way… it couldn't be_ that_, could it? Not Ryouga… he was prone to depression and all, but he wouldn't go _that _far, would he? But then again…

_'I want to be able to go in peace…'_

Holy shit. He did mean _that!_ Ryouga wasn't his favorite person in the world, but he couldn't let him do _that!_ He had a whole life ahead of him! Ryouga promised he wouldn't rest in peace until he defeated him! … Well, he'd have to be immortal if he wanted to keep his word on that one… but that was beside the point! Ranma turned and sped off in the direction that Ryouga had been running.

_"Don't do it, Ryouga!"_

* * *

A small, black piglet stood before the entrance of the Nekohanten, contemplating whether or not to go in. This was his last chance to rethink his decision and ask for help elsewhere. But in all honesty, there was nobody else who would help him—something that was even more painful to realize than was admitting he needed help in the first place. Ryouga had learned that the hardest things in the world to say are 'I love you,' 'Sorry' and 'I need help.' 

He made up his mind to go in. After all, what other choices did he have? Cologne at least might be willing to hear him out—she'd taught him the Bakusai Tenketsu technique that one time, and although it wasn't what he expected, it had proved useful later on.

Dragging his backpack along with him, he walked through the door. Shampoo soon caught sight of him wandering around as if looking for someone, picked him up, and brought him into the kitchen.

"What you want, pig-man?" she asked as she poured some hot water over his head.

Ryouga snatched his backpack and hid behind it, searching for some clothes as he cleared his throat.

"I want your great-grandmother."

"You… interested in older women?"

"NOT LIKE THAT!"

"What's going on in here?" Cologne hopped in atop her stick, eyes flitting from Shampoo to the naked boy on the floor.

"I need to talk to you," said Ryouga.

"About?"

"He say in interested in date with Great-grandmother," explained Shampoo.

"NO, I DIDN'T!"

"Well then, what do you want, boy? It doesn't seem like you to come to me for help." She chuckled, and Ryouga guessed she was thinking about the Bakusai Tenketsu incident.

Ryouga took a breath. "Do you have anything that could keep me from turning into a pig? Even if it's temporary?"

Cologne regarded him strangely, and then nodded her head.

"You've got two choices," she said.

Ryouga looked hopeful.

"Well… first is the Jusenkyo Mail Order Nannichuan 24-hour Pills. You swallow them, and they counterbalance the effects of the curse for one whole day. However, it has unknown side effects, so taking it might be risky.

"Second is the Jusenkyo Mail Order Nannichuan Chewing Gum. Guaranteed… ah, manly flavor. However… this one has known side effects. Allow me to demonstrate. Mousse, come here."

Mousse did as he was told, though more out of curiosity than duty—he'd been partially eavesdropping. Cologne handed him a piece of the gum. He popped it in his mouth suspiciously. Ryouga and Shampoo watched with interest as the old woman proceeded to dump a bucket of cold water over Mousse's head, causing him to cough and sputter.

"What did I do to deserve…" he trailed off, looking down at himself in amazement. "Cold water… and I'm not a duck… not a duck… I'm… not a duck! I'm CU—"

He stopped mid-sentence, as an outrageously bushy mustache and goatee sprung from his face and continued to grow until the thick black hair was parallel with his ankles.

"GAH!" Mousse clasped his face in confusion.

"WAK!" Ryouga facefaulted.

Shampoo laughed gleefully.

Cologne conked Mousse hard on the head, knocking him out, while Ryouga picked himself up off the floor.

"I'll use the first one," he mumbled.

"Oh, no you won't," replied Cologne. "Until you tell me what this is about… although I'm guessing it involves Son-in-Law?"

Ryouga nodded. "I wanted to get rid of… so that… you know… and then I could… so she'd… you understand, right?" He blushed.

"Actually, I didn't understand a word of that, but I think I have a pretty good idea nonetheless," said Cologne. "And I give my approval."

"You do?"

"Yes. Tempting Akane didn't go so well the first time around, but this time, you have my help," she replied.

"Why?" Ryouga glared at her suspiciously.

"I like you."

Ryouga didn't know how to reply, so instead he twiddled his fingers idly.

"You're planning to go to China, right?" It was more of a statement than a question.

He nodded.

"That works out fine, then," she continued. "Shampoo is visiting. Be back here in a week and you may accompany her, agreed?"

"Great-grandmother! Lost boy will slow Shampoo down."

"Just take him to Jusenkyou," sighed Cologne. Apparently, her granddaughter wasn't as perceptive as she. "It would be foolish not to assist him in clearing obstacles of the heart. If he wins Akane's heart, Ranma is free, is he not?"

"Ooooh," said Shampoo, the light of understanding coming over her. "In that case…"

* * *

That was one week ago today. And here he was again in front of the Nekohanten—fortunately, Ranma hadn't been that far away. It may have seemed unnecessary, but Ryouga wanted to make sure that Akane would be safe—he wasn't sure when he would return from this trip. Of course, his fears weren't totally allayed. Ryouga didn't entirely trust Ranma to keep his word, if at all. 

But he was going to China now, and nothing could stop him. Ryouga wished he could stay in Nerima with Akane, but knew that wasn't an option. Getting rid of that stupid curse was as important as Akane herself right now.

One again, he hesitated before entering the restaurant, staring pensively at the sidewalk beneath his feet.

Ever since he had decided to take this trip, he'd know something was amiss. At any other time, he probably would have taken off to China at any given opportunity—and opportunities rarely came. This time, he'd gone seeking the opportunity and found it all on his own… but couldn't help feel that something bad was going to happen…

'You're being stupid,' he told himself, trying to shake the feeling. For the most part, it worked.

A gentle wind rustled his bangs as he took a breath, taking one last look at the Tokyo sunset. This would be the last time he'd see it for a long while. Resolutely, he walked through the door.

* * *

"RYOOOOUUGGAA! Where did you go? Don't do_ iiiiit!"_

A large boot, stone tanuki, flying pan, skillet, computer hard drive, can of mayonnaise and an assortment of weights rained down from the windows around Ranma, most items hitting him squarely in the face.

"Shut up down there!" screamed a woman, leaning out of her window in nothing but hair curlers and a nightdress.


	2. Staggers and Schemes

_Once Upon a Puddle_

_Chapter II: Staggers and Schemes_

_

* * *

_

Silence. Tumbleweeds rolled by idly.

"God damn it…" Ryouga stopped and sat down on his backpack, massaging his blistered feet. He'd been separated from Shampoo and Cologne three days ago. This was just great—they could be anywhere in China by now. Or rather, _he _could be anywhere in China by now. He wasn't entirely sure how it'd happened, either. One minute, they were right behind him—the next minute, he was standing in the woods all alone. It wasn't like getting lost was something new to him. It was just that having people disappear for no apparent reason _was_.

Maybe there was some sort of weird Eat-It-All Monster stalking them or something, and their losing each other was all part of some bizarre elaborate scheme of world conquest.

He slapped his cheeks roughly. He probably needed sleep—contriving stupid theories was most definitely a sign of drowsiness.

Ryouga sighed. He should have known this would happen. Maybe then he could have roped himself to Cologne with a bungee cord or something. How was he supposed to get toJusenkyou at this rate? Finding Jusenkyou had been easier when he had Ranma to track down—and, of course, when he hadn't been _looking_ for it.

A loud rumble sounded. Ryouga looked around confusedly, wondering where the noise had come from… and felt extremely stupid, realizing that it was his own stomach. Then again, it wasn't that surprising—he hadn't had a good meal since he'd gotten lost. All his ramen was gone.

He sighed again as he started to fumble around his bag. Maybe, if the Gods or Buddha or Allah or whoever was on his side today, there would be _one_ cup of noodles left at the bottom…

Then he stopped. A sudden chill ran down his spine, causing his shoulders to jerk. More often than not, when a chill runs down someone's spine, it's bluntly foreshadowing that something eerie, uncanny, ominous and singularly sadistic has appeared somewhere in the vicinity, invariably behind whoever felt its evil presence. In Ryouga's case… this was the case.

Fearing the worst, he slowly turned his head. Nestled amongst bamboo trees and gnarled, black vines was a house… shack… thing. But it definitely wasn't there a minute ago, or so he was almost sure. Then again, he was slightly delirious with exhaustion, and there always existed the possibility that he had just been conveniently oblivious to his surroundings for a moment.

But apparition or no apparition, it had piqued Ryouga's interest. So, after completing his fruitless search for food, he flung his backpack over his shoulders and began to approach the house. Nonetheless, he had tramped a whopping five feet when he stopped short, the hairs on his neck prickling in alarm.

This house had unmistakable ki aura about it. It wasn't like anything he'd felt before, though – it wasn't depression or arrogance, or anger, or happiness. It was like an aura of… nothing. It was am almost lonely sentiment, but not longing for company – sort of like a flame with no heat, or a wave with no crash when it hits the shore, or cat litter that doesn't smell when you plant your face in it. It was… _wrong_. Ryouga's skin crawled.

How nice it would've been to say the unsettling ki was the worst of it—there was more. Upon closer inspection, Ryouga got the distinct feeling he'd just wandered into a cheesy B horror flick. There was murky moss mounting between the steps leading up to the splintered door. Cob webs were extended into nearly all available crooks, sprawled out between the vines snaking around the wood. Windows were clouded from neglect and rain. Despite the morning light basking the terrain, there was a mist of intense darkness surrounding the house. It was so sinister, so dark, so unbelievably menacing, that… that… your eyes would bleed. Ryouga was half expecting to see a lightning bolt crack ominously in the distance.

He looked around in every other direction, and didn't see so much as a weed. Not only had he stumbled upon the oasis of doom, but he'd stumbled upon the oasis of doom _in the middle of nowhere_. Wonderful. The thought of moving on and hoping to find a friendlier looking rest stop entered his mind once, but his stomach gave its opinion on that matter by growling so loudly it could've moved a tectonic plate.

Swallowing hard, Ryouga approached the shack, against what he knew was his better judgment. He knocked once, twice, thrice, unaware of each new hole forming in the brittle wood. Finally, it flew open, revealing a small old man with a thick grey beard, and even thicker eyebrows—they were so dense that Ryouga couldn't even see his eyes.

"Who is it?"

"Um… hello," said Ryouga, unsure of what to say. "I'm Ryouga… Hibiki Ryouga…"

The man seemed to brighten, and he stepped aside, motioning for Ryouga to enter.

"Come on in, then," he said cheerfully. "I never get visitors, so you're welcome to stay as long as you like."

"Okay," said Ryouga cautiously. "I was just wondering if you had any food or supplies though… I wouldn't want to impose…"

"So," chirped the man in his same cheerful tone, "in other words, you want to eat and run but don't want to be rude about it."

"Err, no, that's not…" Ryouga trailed off. Actually, that was about right.

The old man laughed. "It's fine, it's fine, I'll give you something to eat and send you on your merry way."

Ryouga bowed, and walked in. He gasped at what he saw.

As small as the dump looked from the outside, it was as if he'd just come into a castle—the main room was large and circular, lit by candles, and there were halls branching off in every other direction. Even the ceiling was at least eleven feet above his head.

"What the hell?" he mumbled. This was starting to get creepy…

"Now you'll become my dinner," said the old man.

"Wh-what'd you say?" Ryouga dug a finger into his ear.

"I said here's your dinner," he repeated, handing a tray to Ryouga.

"Oh… of course," he muttered, bowing his head and taking the tray. He sat down at a nearby glass table and separated his chopsticks, looking around. There were two torches placed on either side of all the entrances of the corridors, and there were grotesque masks hanging on almost ever square inch of the—Ryouga raised an eyebrow—_stone_ walls. He would've bet his underwear that it had looked like _wood_ from the outside. Peculiar…

"I bet you'd taste good with some ketchup."

Ryouga spat out a mouthful of rice. "Pardon?"

"I said I bet that'd taste good with some ketchup. Want some?"

"No thanks…" Ryouga began eating faster.

"You'd better hurry up and finishing eating…before I choke you to death."

Ryouga spat his food out once again. "What?"

"You shouldn't eat in such a hurry," said the old man, looking at him curiously. "You might choke to death."

"Oh," he replied nervously, obviously hearing things. "You're right…"

Ryouga began to eat slower, but his instincts were telling him that he should get out of this place. In his discomfiture, he accidentally knocked his glass of water on to his lap. Oh, shit.

"Bukee!" Ryouga squealed as the bowl of rice he'd been holding as a human toppled down on him, bonking him hard on the head.

"…"

Now, Ryouga had gotten some pretty strange reactions from people when they saw him transform. Some gasped, some stared, some screamed, some jumped, some babbled incoherently, some pointed—hell, some fainted from shock. But this guy was just ridiculous. He seemed to be doing a combination off all aforementioned reactions, gaping at Ryouga slack-jawed in what looked like… terror? The entire atmosphere of the room had shifted, like somebody switching an 'on/off' button on the wall. Except instead of 'on/off,' it was 'happy/oh, shit.'

The old man's lips formed the word 'run,' or so Ryouga assumed. Lip-reading wasn't one of his strong points. However, his uncertainties were confirmed moments later when the word came again, this time accompanied by a raspy voice.

"Bwee?"

The old man pointed towards the door, finger trembling. "Quickly! Run!"

Ryouga looked at him curiously. He was about to climb up onto the table and dump his tea when the old man lunged for him without warning.

"You must leave! Why didn't you tell me you bear the Curse of the Pig! _He'll_ awaken now!"

As if on cue, the floor began to rumble.

'An earthquake…?' thought Ryouga, though he knew that it was more likely to be the arrival of an alienship filled with evil gorillas than an earthquake. And was it just him, or was it a little drafty in here?

He squealed in surprise as the floor beneath him began to crack as if it were an ice rink. The old man turned and fled down one of the halls, leaving him alone in the room. Masks and ornaments that had been previously adorning the walls began to topple to the ground, some getting smashed and some landing lightly. Ryouga, who by this time had climbed back up onto the table, briefly noted the way his tea was rippling ominously—it was sort of like in that American movie, Jurassic Park, except in that case there were dinosaurs, and in this case he didn't know what the hell was coming. Putting both front legs on one side of the cup, he flipped it over on to his head… and squealed in anguish. The tea was freezing.

Something was definitely wrong here—it had been piping hot moments before. He was sure he'd seen the steam rising out of it. All hope of changing back into a man before leaving evaporated in that moment, and he leapt for the exit… just as a large portion of stone from somewhere above came crashing down, blocking the door completely. Of _course._

'And if I were a man, I could have used the Bakusai Tenketsu,' he thought bitterly, before turning and running down one of the corridors. 'Maybe there was another way out of this place…'

But something told him that there wasn't.

* * *

"Shampoo?" called Cologne, sprinting through the forest from tree to tree. This was most unsettling indeed—both Shampoo and Ryouga had vanished. She wasn't overly surprised at losing Ryouga, but it wasn't like Shampoo to just take off with out a word at a time like this. The more she thought about it, the more Cologne was beginning to think something was rotten in Denmark.

* * *

Shampoo opened her eyes, though it was so dark she couldn't tell regardless. Her head was pounding fiercely… where was she, anyway? Squinting, she tried to see through the pitch—no good.

Let's see… it was cold. She was laying on something cold… a stone floor… maybe marble. It smelled like… dirt. Okay, scratch the marble floor idea. Closing her eyes again, she listened hard… there was no noise save an incessant dripping, and the echo of distant footsteps. Maybe this was a cave… that would make sense.

Okay. So she was in a cave… now, how did she get here? All she remembered was something covering her face and then being dragged away… Realization dawned on her. She'd been kidnapped. Anger rising, Shampoo sat up quickly—a little too quickly, her head spinning—and tried to stand, but found that she couldn't. Her hands had been tied behind her back with a thick rope, and the same had been done to her feet.

'Well, this sucks,' she thought crossly, wondering who would want to capture her in the first place. If it was Pink and Link's doing, oooh...

Abruptly, Shampoo realized that the footsteps she'd heard earlier weren't getting farther away—they were coming _closer. _Eyes somewhat more adjusted now, Shampoo peered into the darkness. It wasn't long before she could see a figure approaching in one of the tunnels that was dim as opposed to completely black. It was tall, thin, and appeared to be hunched over.

"Greetings," said the figure once it was within earshot of Shampoo. It sounded like a male, and spoke in fluent Mandarin.

"Who are you? What do you want?" hissed Shampoo. "Show me the way out of here unless you want to get hurt."

"Relax, my lady," said the man calmly. "I merely wished to make a proposition."

"I'm not going to collaborate with scum." Shampoo narrowed her eyes, desperately tried to wriggle her hands free of the bindings

"Oh, scum, am I? And I'm afraid you have no choice in the matter."

"If I refuse?"

The man said nothing, but Shampoo could hear him laughing quietly. He clapped his hands three times, and the ground started to shake. A large, circular hole appeared in the roof of the cave (which, from what she could tell, was about thirty feet up), light pouring into the cavern below. Shampoo tried to get a look at her captor, but he had receded back into the shadows already. Instead, she directed her attention back to the rapidly widening hole… through which something was entering. It oozed into the cave like an enormous white slug, inching down the wall. Shampoo blinked. It was a giant… blob. Literally. The only feature signifying it was a living thing were its two charcoal eyes and a large mouth lined with sharp teeth.

The man's voice echoed off the walls. "Shampoo… meet the Eat-It-All Monster."

"The… Eat-It-All Monster?"

"Correct. And if you do not hear me out, it will eat you."

"I'd rather be eaten than waste my time with scum."

"And if I told you I could win you the love of your life?" said the man, obviously knowing it would catch her interest.

Shampoo considered for a moment, and then said, "Go on."

"You see these noodles?" The man held out a block of ramen noodles. At first Shampoo had wondered how exactly she was supposed to see _anything_ in this place, but to her surprise, the noodles gave off a curious rosy incandescent glow. "They're the Noodles of Love. They taste like regular ramen, and look it once cooked… but they make whoever eats them fall in love with the person who cooked them."

Intrigued, Shampoo listened intently.

"The magic is infallible. You could have yourself a husband before the day is done. And I'll give them to you… for a small price."

"What's that?"

"Kill the pig-man."

* * *

A/N: Welp, there it is. I'll probably edit it here and there in the future, but for now, I guess this is okay. I've had this on my computer for about a month and I can't figure out what to change around… critique/comments? If you're wondering why Shampoo isn't speaking in Shampoo-speak, it's because the conversation is in Mandarin. Therefore Shampoo's grammar should be okay, unless her Chinese is just as horrible as her Japanese. Anyways... I almost wasn't going to put this up here, because I have it up on my site already, but I figured it would be rude to just have the first chapter of everything on here... so I've decided that most of my stuff will go up here too, though I generally tend to update the website before I do this place. The Quick-Edit crap is a pain in the butt. 


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